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The XCOM Diaries: Part 1

This is the first part of the journal entries from Johnny Smither, a soldier who participated in the XCOM Project and became known as Earth’s Champion! These journals have been a protected part of our history for years, but today, the tenth anniversary of our victory, we are declassifying and releasing them to the public! Read them and find out how we won the war!

Main Base

Day 1: Orientation

Semper Paratus! After serving for a few years as a United States Coast Guard Reservist, my hard work has finally paid off! I have been selected for an elite group of soldiers even I’ve never heard about! Captain Miller said that this group, XCOM, represented the best of the best, of all the military, in all the world, for combat against an “unknown and unknowable enemy,” which probably means Switzerland, but I don’t remember us declaring war on them… anyway, I have been given the honor of commanding the Primoris Morior squadron of XCOM (I wish I had a Latin translator… that name sounds AWESOME!) Orientation will last most of the day, and it’s been a while since I’ve fired a rifle, so I’m gonna hit the range! I’ll write more later!

Day 1: Supplemental

Alright, I think someone’s playing a joke on me. It’s one thing thinking we declared war on Switzerland, which in hindsight wasn’t the best first statement to make to the Commander of XCOM. But come on, aliens? These guys have obviously lost their minds or are messing with mine. I’m going back to the barracks to try to sleep. That Brazilian guy keeps trying to talk to me, but I can’t understand a word of Spanish he says. Also wondering about the command structure here. Sure, we all take our orders from the Commander, but the next highest ranking is “Rookie.” Oh, and everyone is ranked as a “Rookie.” What the hell kind of system is that? Wish me luck, or at least a quick end to this joke.


Smither’s first encounter with the enemy

Day 3: First Contact

Hopefully the computer autocorrects for the shaking I’m doing right now… so, we got our first mission and I was one of the four selected! We got our gear today, which I must say, while easy to move in and more protective than the old BDUs, is oddly colored. I mean, bright purple with neon green highlights? I’m not Barney the Dinosaur, I’m a Weekend Warrior! Maybe after I prove myself on today’s mission I’ll earn the right to choose a new color set! Also wondering why everyone else has black and red uniforms. Getting my M4 in a few minutes, and then off to the mission site! China here we come! Goodbye Swiss Invasion!

Day 3: Supplemental

Dammit. Just… dammit. Long story short, aliens are real, I’m the only survivor of the mission, and there’s a full on invasion going on. Hitting the bar on base. Don’t wait up.


Home Sweet Home for Smither

Day 4: Recovery

I love the medics here. Banged my head on my bunk, ended up in the ward, and they totally covered for me! “Concussion in combat with the enemy.” Totally owe that guy a beer. So in addition to earning a Purple Heart (the first of the XCOM Project, I might add; take that, Mossad guy, Delta Force dude and Spetnaz putz!), I earned a promotion! I should get plastered more often. You are now the journal of the highest ranking XCOM soldier: I made Squaddie! Yeah, not the best name, I admit, but hey! I’m the only one! And I got this really cool Smoke Grenade to carry around on missions! Anybody else have one of these? Nuh uh! OK, the armory guys are the ones who give them to me, but I get to USE THEM! Ha! Alright, back to work. Gotta go train the newbies that just came in to replace the other guys. They weren’t strong enough to fight this war like I am. Talk to you soon!


A dramatic reenactment of Sq. Smither’s Combat on Day 6 (from his best-selling autobiography)

Day 6: UFOs!!!

Oh man, oh man, oh man! These aliens are going DOWN! So one of them took their stupid looking spaceships over Canada, you know, trying to start some beef, and we launched some new kind of jet fighter after them! We watched the satellite footage and that little bug went down in two hits. It almost seems unfair to fight them, they’re so weak and sad. But that’s what happens when your mess with ‘Merica! Technically Canada, but we found the continent first! Suiting up in my new armor (still purple, but changed those highlights to black, so it looks TOTALLY different) and bringing my M4 and awesome SMOKE GRENADE. Gotta teach these Rooks how to take these guys out! Primoris Morior FTW

Day 6: Supplemental

I am seriously getting disillusioned with this whole “XCOM” thing. First off, I was robbed with my promotion. Support sounded like an awesome specialization, what with the smoke grenade and all, but this mission ended with the other guys (the Mossad, Delta Force and Spetznaz soldiers) getting promoted to Squaddies! I guess they’ll just give it to ANYONE who kills an alien these days… and guess what? The other specializations are SOOO MUCH BETTER! The Rusky, or Russian Husky as the term scientifically derives, was made a heavy, got a badass machine gun, and carries a freaking Rocket Launcher. I get a smoke grenade, he gets a rocket launcher. Not fair. Mossad guy got a super cool sniper rifle and special training which is totally wasted on anyone but me. And that Delta Force SOB was given a shotgun, the ONLY weapon I was good with all the way back in boot…70/100 at point-blank, and still a Coast Guard record.

And about that Smoke Grenade… totally useless! Sure it made hitting me harder, but tell that to the tree I ran into while navigating the cloud. Thankfully they bought that I was dodging the weapons fire and the dislocated shoulder was the best possible outcome, but I’m out of commission for a week! Get a concussion on base, they’ll fix you in less than a day. A minor dislocation and they want to give you every test known to man! Really, do I need a cavity search for an arm injury? That crazy doc seems to think so!

I’m wondering why the other Squaddies keep laughing at my squadron motto. Primoris Morior is awesome sounding, they must just be jealous. But I do have feelings. Maybe I’ll just send away for a Latin to English translator and just find out already.

I just heard they developed a new body armor. Knowing how important I am to XCOM, I know I’ll get the prototype. I know I’m upset right now, but this place would be lost without me. I’ll write again when something interesting happens.

Body Armor

Day 6: Final

Everybody got body armor. I’m resigning my commission in the morning.

Where will Johnny Smither’s Journal take us next? That’s up to you! Will our next episode see Johnny…

1.) Resign and retire to Paris, the location of XCOM’s first Terror Mission?

2.) Reconsider his resignation and be sent on a Bomb Disposal Mission?


3.) Court Martialed for his resignation and assigned to work in other areas of XCOM as punishment?

Drop your preference in the comments section below!

Update: As of 2/1/12, 11:59:99 EST the voting is closed! Looks like Smither is gonna be defusing the bomb!

For the next installment of Johnny Smither’s journey, check out The XCOM Diaries: Part 2!


About RedGuinness

Andrew Shortall (RedGuinness) is the Writer, Editor, Administrator and founder of Stay-At-Home Gaming. He also suffers from sleepless nights, summer new release withdrawals and trying to behave himself in front of his new nephew.

12 comments on “The XCOM Diaries: Part 1

  1. Hari Mani
    January 25, 2013

    Lets see him get punished !! Deserting is a capital offense. @#$% Smither

    • RedGuinness
      January 25, 2013

      Lol he may want to take the capital punishment if he ends up having to work in Surgery… Autopsies can be pretty hard to watch, let alone assist on!

  2. Anonymous
    January 25, 2013

    reconsider, because he may be disillusioned now, but squaddies are godsends later in the invasion

    • RedGuinness
      January 25, 2013

      Hopefully his teammates will come through, assuming he stays with the XCOM Project. There are many ways to be a hero in this world…

  3. tasteslikehipster
    January 25, 2013

    Make him retire and then involve him in that terror mission. Nothing’s better than having the action chump…err I mean hero come back to duty unwillingly. And throw a healthy dose of Briggs from Lethal Weapon quotes.

    • RedGuinness
      January 25, 2013

      Smither is definitely a little more Murtaugh at this point (I’m getting too old for this $&@#) but maybe of he gets his confidence back… He already likes dog biscuits!

  4. Doogie
    January 25, 2013

    2 make him dispose of a bomb!! He might die!!

    • RedGuinness
      January 25, 2013

      Hey! That’s Earth’s Guardian you’re talking about! The vote is now a three way tie!

  5. PVD
    January 31, 2013

    Bomb diffusal, I want to see what he thinks of the turns

    • RedGuinness
      January 31, 2013

      Unless someone votes by the end of tomorrow night, you’ll be finding out!

  6. Pingback: The XCOM Diaries: Part 2 « Stay-At-Home Gaming

  7. Pingback: One Year Celebration of Stay-At-Home Gaming! | Stay-At-Home Gaming

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