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Top Five Gaming Arguments Against Valentine’s Day


20140211-141057.jpgThere are two types of people on Valentine’s Day: those in relationships and those who want the first group to walk into a Goomba.

Valentine’s Day is a polarizing holiday for these two groups, and most of the time the first group is catered to exclusively. Well no longer! These people should be celebrating their freedoms! Those who know the other side of this day deserve their due, and video games can prove just how lucky those people are to not be chained up to someone, mostly because how tragically these things can end! Here’s our Top Five Gaming Arguments Against Valentine’s Day!

5.) Red Dead Redemption

John Marston

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Red Dead Redemption is one of those games that shows that love can be true but doesn’t last too damn long. John Marston is forcibly taken from his loving wife and son by some seedy lawmen looking to have John do their dirty work. John seeks out the old members of his gang to put them six feet under. He assaults a fort, puts down a Mexican garrison, and takes out his targets, which in those days was a long freaking time. John is returned to his farm, where he spends time with his family…doing chores. On a farm. And not a pretty one. Then there’s that pesky part where he gets gunned down by said lawmen tying up loose ends. Three years later, his wife is dead and his son murders the retired g-man who set up the whole sequence of events, becoming an outlaw himself.

Love sucks.

4.) The Darkness

Jackie Estacado

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This game had me going for a bit. Jackie Estacado is living the life. A decent apartment, a loving girlfriend and a great paycheck from the mob he works for. And his twenty-first birthday is coming up! Wonderful world, right? Well it seems that a force known as the Darkness, who also doesn’t believe in a thing called love, has a surprise for Jackie! After a real scene of what love is, two tired people cuddled up on a couch, Jackie heads out and finds that his boss has targeted him for a hit. While hiding from them the Darkness, who has inhabited Jackie’s family for generations, takes him over granting him a new variety of boomstick. Too bad it can only save him. Jackie arrives at the Orphanage he and his lady grew up, where she’s being held of the mob boss and the chief of police (as usual) and as the Darkness holds him back, Jackie gets to watch as she gets her head blown off, telling him she loves him. Worst. Birthday. Ever.

3.) Silent Hill 2

James Sunderland

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James has learned a few things about the difficulties in love. He loved his wife Mary, sticking by her as she struggled with a disease, physically and emotionally, up until her death. Three years ago she passed, and he still feels nothing but sadness. Until he receives a letter from her. Then he’s a little confused too. He goes to Silent Hill, that pleasant little town he brought her one time before that rascally cult moved in and ruined it for everybody. Turns out the town is punishing that poor guy with monsters and horrors, a duplicate of his dearly departed with all the things James wanted his wife to be, and, to be spicy, reminds him he actually killed his wife. About a week ago. That wily town! Only ONE ending sees James move on with his life, otherwise he drives his car off a road, leaves with his wife’s doppelganger (who is sick) or tries to resurrect her with a dark, culty ritual. I like to think the Dog ending is the real one. A little happier than the other ones.

2.) Gears of War

Dominic Santiago

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When a soldier goes to war, he keeps going for the family he has waiting for them. Dom and Maria fell in love when they were kids and were happily married. Then the Locust came. They lost their kids on E-Day, prompting a depression in Maria leading to her disappearance. For eleven years our lovable Dom searched for her. And he found her. Captured by the Locust and not given the good rations, he did the only thing he could: he broke up with her (edited for young audiences). Dom never gets over that break up, getting a gigantic tattoo and in the end he drives his car to the ice cream store. And he ate all that ice cream. Actually sounds kind of adorable until you remember those aren’t the real words.

1.) Metal Gear Solid

Hal “Otacon” Emmerich

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This poor guy already had enough on his plate, you know with the fact his family worked on the Manhattan Project. Then he joins the Metal Gear Rex project continuing the legacy in nuclear destruction. Then he falls in love with Sniper Wolf, which may have been nice, except Snake came along and slayed her. Next, in Metal Gear Solid 2, he finds out his stepsister is working on a similar project and goes to rescue her, but nope. Vampire stabs her. Oh, and she’s been in love with him since he left home because her mom was hitting on Otacon and his dad drowned himself when he found out. Let that sink in. Then in Metal Gear Solid 4, he watches as Naomi Campbell, with whom he also developed feelings for, basically lets the cancer she had been suppressing go free. Everyone he loved has died tragically right in front of him. He must have loved Snake too, because by the end of the game Snake has a few weeks left to live. Pray he doesn’t really care about Sonny. She might be next.

Want a happier Valentine’s Day outlook? Check back soon for our Top Five Gaming Arguments FOR Valentine’s Day! And pick up our featured image at the top from TheShirtDudes.com!

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About RedGuinness

Andrew Shortall (RedGuinness) is the Writer, Editor, Administrator and founder of Stay-At-Home Gaming. He also suffers from sleepless nights, summer new release withdrawals and trying to behave himself in front of his new nephew.

2 comments on “Top Five Gaming Arguments Against Valentine’s Day

  1. Pingback: Top Five Gaming Arguments For Valentine’s Day | Stay-At-Home Gaming

  2. Pingback: Around the Web – 02/16/14 | The Credible Hulk

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