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Top 5 Worst Groups to Join in Dragon Age


Army Front     Seriously, it would be hazardous to your soul.

If you lived in the Dragon Age world, you would probably be tempted to join one of the many organizations that exist. Maybe it’s for honor, perhaps to follow in the family traditions, or you might just be looking for free room and board. Unfortunately, there’s a great many things worse than death in Thedas.

We combed the world of Dragon Age over the three main entries and came up with the Top 5 Worst Groups to Join in Dragon Age. Apply to them at your own peril!

5.) The Qunari

QunariThe horns alone are a pain in the ass to maintain…

Face it, we all want to know our purpose in life and fulfill it to the greatest of our ability. Following the Qun is guaranteed to lead you to the place you should be, if the recruitment posters are true. And they kind of are…if you think making bread is your true calling. Qunari are given their place, and have to do it the rest of their lives…meaning some people don’t get ever get out of the mailroom, and latrine cleaners…well, lets just say the benefits are crap.

Of course there are a few exceptions. If you fail in your tasks but still have some use, you might get transferred to the Ben-Hassrath, but Mages are basically slaves, gender can control your placement and questioning anything might get you status as a Tal-Vashoth, which isn’t the best retirement plan.

4.) The Grey Wardens

Grey Wardens

Not a pretty picture, is it?

Grey Wardens are the only ones who can stop a Blight, but no one knows how. That’s because the Wardens don’t tell anybody. In fact, they don’t really talk about anything related to their order until you join. How do you join? Kill and get a sample of some magical Darkspawn blood, take a drink of the sticky ichor, and hopefully, if it doesn’t kill you outright, you’re on the path to fighting the legions of evil for the rest of you life!

Don’t worry, it won’t be too long until your life ends. Most are killed by Darkspawn. Ending the Blights means your soul is destroyed as well. Some countries like Ferelden don’t trust your group and may try to kill your whole order *cough, Loghain, cough* or just politically destroy you. And if you survive all that, the Calling will haunt your dreams and drive you to Orzammar, where you will fight Darkspawn until they consume you. But at least you have to choose to join, right? Oh, wait…

3.) The Templar Order

TemplarsPoor leadership can have consequences.

Ah, the life of a knight. Supported by the Chantry and the world at large, you would be all that stands in the way of an evil Mage and the end of the world. Great idea, right? No! Joining the order requires strict combat training from a young age, and once you’re a full member, they will feed you lyrium, a substance that is not only addictive, but can lead to memory loss and serious dependence. Which is exactly what the Chantry likes.

In addition, you get to live with the Mages you are meant to protect people from. As a Templar, you are taught not to get too close to them, as they may, at any time, succumb to Blood Magic, become an abomination and kill everyone around them. Oh, and if they fail their Harrowing, you get to kill them on the spot. Yay!

2.) The Mage Circles (non-Tevinter)

Circle of Magi

A prison without a cage, for certain.

Worse than joining the Templar Order is joining the Mage Circles of Thedas. It’s an exclusive club that requires you to have magical ability, which can manifest with you burning your house to the ground as a child. At least you don’t have to talk to a recruiter: they just take you away from your home and keep you forever!

Not only do you live with the Templars who all think you’re a ticking time bomb, and have to go into the Fade for your test, if you are enough trouble, the Circle will sever your ties to your magical abilities and leave you an emotionless shell of a person. Of course you can try to leave, but you’ll be branded an apostate and be hunted down by Templars whether you practice Blood Magic or not. And Templars aren’t negotiators.

1.) The Legion of the Dead

LotD

They’re already dead. You can’t kill a dead man…

The Legion of the Dead is by far the worst group to be in. It seems nice on the surface; inclusive of all races, creeds and lifestyles. They’ll take anyone, no matter who they are. And they also fight the Darkspawn, like the Wardens and serve a noble purpose, without the yucky blood drinking. So what’s the problem?

Your induction is literally a funeral. You say goodbye to everyone you love because it’s the last time you’ll see them. After that, you’re considered dead. Your name is struck from records, and you take a long stroll down the Darkspawn infested Deep Roads. It’s like being a Warden at the end of a Warden’s life, without the benefit of being able to sense Darkspawn.

Also, you don’t get buried unless there’s someone else left alive. And there usually isn’t.

It’s been a while since we’ve done a list like this, and we hoped you liked it! If you think a group you like should have been included or placed higher, let us know in the Comments below!

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About RedGuinness

Andrew Shortall (RedGuinness) is the Writer, Editor, Administrator and founder of Stay-At-Home Gaming. He also suffers from sleepless nights, summer new release withdrawals and trying to behave himself in front of his new nephew.

6 comments on “Top 5 Worst Groups to Join in Dragon Age

  1. failedwell
    December 15, 2014

    Screw that! The Legion of the Dead is frackin’ awesome.

  2. Stephen Wolling
    December 16, 2014

    Thoroughly enjoyed this list. Humorous insightful and overall a pleasure to read.

  3. Prof.mcstevie
    December 16, 2014

    Really you can’t be surprised with a name of the likes as “The Legion of the Dead” now can you?

  4. Pingback: Around the Web: 12/21/14 - The Credible Hulk

  5. Guy Trotter
    January 29, 2015

    Templars wouldn’t be so bad if it was weed instead of lyrium

    • RedGuinness
      January 29, 2015

      Lmao if weed granted those abilities there would be a real life Mutant Registration Act!

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This entry was posted on December 15, 2014 by in Gaming Fun, Top Five List and tagged , , , , , , .

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